Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
