now i know why i became what i already was.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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