Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
