I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
