When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
