Fine. I'll sleep in my office
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Randomize
