If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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