does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
