i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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