I think my vagina is haunted
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
