Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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