At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
