Are you still at the party or did I leave?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
