I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
