oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can't turn off my feet"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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