Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
