No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
