Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
