singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
