She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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