I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
