Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
