She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
