I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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