I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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