She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
