When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize