Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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