First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
