yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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