May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
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I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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