Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
