Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
