That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
