is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Operation Purity has been aborted
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
