remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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