Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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