Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
