At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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