I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
