Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
