1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
