I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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