So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
