as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
