her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
