i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
