I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
