I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
