I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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