Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
