then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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