oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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