My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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