i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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