He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
