so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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