I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
