i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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