I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
