I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
