hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
