Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
