guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
