don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
