I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I yelled at your uterus for you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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