I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize